WHO THE FXCK ARE YOU?
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
This was the first question Jason asked at our All iN Mastermind in Vegas.
He gave us 3 minutes to write down our answers that only we (I) would see.
I sat there staring at my notepad, my pen not moving.
In my peripheral vision I could see everyone else writing fervently, their pens burning a hole through the paper…or so it seemed.
“You’ve got about a minute left”, I heard him say - my notepad still blank.
“Who the fuck am I? Why are you having such a hard time answering this question?”
I was beginning to get frustrated, and almost embarrassed, that I couldn’t come up with anything.
Determined to not be the only one with a blank notepad, I wrote the only things that kept popping up in my mind:
- I am a woman searching for my purpose.
- I am loyal and empathetic.
- I am a person who wants to make a difference in the lives of others.
That’s all I could come up with about myself…and a feeling of shame began to wash over me.
How am I supposed to help people realize their strength, and help pull them out of being broken and beat down, if I don’t even know “who I am”?
The answer ended up being quite simple actually; “the same way you pulled yourself from the rock bottom shit hole that you dug for yourself 5 years ago”.
You see, about 5 years ago I was the one who was broken and beat down.
I used alcohol to escape the pain I was feeling, which was fun at first, but it awoke something sinister in me, and I didn’t care if I lived or died.
It’s true that I turned to health and fitness to try and pull myself out of it - and it worked!
But over time I learned that all the excessive working out and restrictive dieting was just another way for me to escape the pain I was feeing, another way to avoid what was really going on.
Like I said, I was broken and beat down, and I didn’t want to face WHY! I eventually did, though.
I got real honest with myself and allowed myself to really feel what was going on inside - and it wasn’t fun!
But I had to do it. I had to ask myself the hard questions, and most importantly, I had to be honest with myself about why I was telling myself the same bullshit story.
Why is it that when it comes to being honest with ourselves, or keeping commitments to ourselves - it’s at the bottom of our list of priorities?
Why do we continue to put ourselves on the back burner? Yes, there is a time and place for it, but more often than not…we don’t get back to taking care of ourselves until we’re too far gone.
I promised myself in Vegas that I would stop telling myself the same bullshit stories, that I would accept my mother fxcking greatness, and that I’m going to show the world WHO THE FUCK I AM.
And I'm telling you now so that you can hold me accountable, but what I really want to know is...
WHO'S JOINING ME?